Healthy Habits in Isolation

I started to write this post while reflecting about the unhealthy habits that I have leaned into while quarantining. I know what’s best for my body - less alcohol, sugar, and caffeine. More sleep and physical activity. And yet, with anxiety sky high, I have found myself relying on creature comforts more than ever. This sparks a guilt cycle over the fact that I know what I should be doing, and I can’t seem to bring myself to do it. Anxiety, overindulgence, guilt over my choices, overindulge again. It’s a weird sort of junk-food based self-flagellation, and without a strong enough motivator to break the cycle, it just continues. However, things have taken a turn in the intervening weeks since I started collecting my thoughts on this subject. I have a renewed sense of motivation to make healthy choices, because our clinic has finally given us the go-ahead to begin another FET cycle. It’s harder to commit to these lifestyle changes when it feels like there’s no hope - what’s the point? I feel bad now, and I’ll feel bad later, and there is no end goal in sight. But what about when there is a goal? What breaks the cycle of guilt then? How do I treat my body with kindness? How do I take care of it - not because I have to, but because she deserves it? To answer those questions, I think I need more than the excitement over a new transfer cycle.

I see other people turning their creative energy towards homestead-style projects. I have an Instagram feed flooded with hand-stitched face masks and sourdough baked from scratch. I did the same thing in the first few weeks at home, too. I made bone broth and sauces. I've baked countless batches of cookies. There is an old-world comfort in the recipes I am making now. Fat and salt. I feel like I'm soothing something in my soul, but it's a far cry from fitness-guru vegan health food. Now I want to ride this new wave of inspiration - but where exactly do I start when my relationship with my body and health are so fraught? My relationship with my body is a difficult one. I spent the first 12 years of my life with un-diagnosed Celiac disease, and that time has left me with lifelong gastrointestinal symptoms, and an ingrained mistrust of my body. We are not friends - it is rare that I remember to appreciate all the things she does right. My heart keeps beating, my lungs keep breathing, my eyes blink, my hands move. I forget to be grateful for and kind to this vessel.

Part of that kindness means setting reasonable goals. Eliminating caffeine, alcohol, sugar, salt, and fun from my diet isn’t necessary or realistic. Reducing my intake from 2 cups of coffee to 1? Doable. Limiting myself to one glass of wine with dinner? Also doable. Another important factor is being specific. If I say that my goal is to reduce the amount of simple carbs I eat, I know that I will still feel guilty every time I eat those things, because it feels like I’m failing at reducing. Instead, aiming to prepare, say, 3 grain-free meals a week gives me a tangible goal to work towards - as opposed to an abstract goal that I can keep moving anytime I want to make myself feel bad. That brings me to the last and most difficult factor: sincerely buying into the beliefs that my not only can my body be healthy and pain-free, but that I genuinely deserve those things. But of course, it’s not as simple as that. I have to learn to trust my body first. To see her as a partner and not an adversary. That change in thinking won't happen overnight either, but it seems like an essential place to start.

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Are you preparing for a transfer? How have you been staying motivated to eat healthy in Isolation?